Mind Over Fire: Breaking Barriers with My Daughter

Last week, I did something I never thought I would—walked on hot coals. Not only that, I brought my 13-year-old daughter with me to join in this wild experience. This wasn’t the “responsible” parenting approach I grew up with, a mindset deeply rooted in my immigrant upbringing. I was taught to be small, not make waves, and, of course, make straight A’s. But my daughter has been struggling in ways that reminded me of why it was time to step outside of the familiar and maybe even outside of the sensible.

She’s at that tricky stage of 13, where self-doubt and expectations press down hard. In her case, she’s developed a hyper-focus on perfectionism, a drive that’s fierce, almost paralyzing. I see her grappling with decisions that weigh on her as if each one is a do-or-die moment. She’s a ballerina en pointe, a violinist, pianist, expert skier, and multilingual—all impressive achievements for someone her age. Yet, living in a community where every other child seems just as exceptional, she finds herself trapped in a relentless cycle of comparison and pressure to excel.

I realized she’s absorbed my own perfectionistic tendencies and multiplied them tenfold. She has begun to believe that success is only valid if it’s perfect, and failure is something to be avoided at all costs. Seeing her feel so stuck, I knew I had to find a way to break through this mindset, to challenge her perception of what’s possible, and to disrupt her beliefs around success, fear, and limitations.

So, we did something unconventional. Together, we joined thousands of others in a mind-over-matter exercise—walking barefoot across hot coals. I wanted her to understand that the limits we believe in are often just constructs, woven from our experiences and the experiences of those around us. Our beliefs are figments of our imagination, yet they can feel like prison walls, keeping us fearful, worried, and stuck. And I wanted her to see that some of those walls simply don’t need to exist.

Fire is hot. Coals burn, right? That’s the reality we all grow up believing. But when I saw thousands of people in a shared, cohesive state support each other to the point that these burning coals could be crossed without injury, I realized there’s more to “reality” than meets the eye. And I wanted her to see it too—to know that not everything that seems impossible is truly out of reach.

We took that walk, and I watched as her understanding of what’s possible began to shift. Mind over matter? It’s more than a saying. It’s an invitation to reconsider what’s real, to challenge what we think is unchangeable, and to step beyond the limits we’ve set for ourselves.

For my daughter—and maybe even for myself—I want this experience to be a reminder. When self-judgment creeps in, when we look at where we are and feel that it’s somehow “not enough,” I hope we can pause. Because this life we’re living is the one that a younger version of ourselves, perhaps even our 13-year-old selves, once dreamed about. So, in those moments, I hope she remembers that she is living the life she once wished for, and that every step forward is part of a journey where each answer to the question, “What’s possible?” begins within.

This isn’t the end of her journey, nor of the lessons we’ll learn together. But I hope it’s the beginning of a new way of seeing, a new understanding of what it means to walk through fear—and sometimes, across fire.